


Another fucking Hamilton text fic

by AutumnTriesToLife, TrashInABox



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Crack Fic, F/F, F/M, Lams - Freeform, M/M, TJeffs Hate, alex is a lowkey hoe, another fucking hamilton text fic, its too late for this shit, john is papi, lams fanfic, laurens is autumn confirmed, lots of gays, mullette, mullette fanfic, shaRE WITH YOUR FRIENDS THO BC WE'RE ATTENTION WHORES, stop us, tjeffs is a macaroni loving fuck, we're all peggy, why the fyu ckm are you reading this monstrosity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2018-09-23 13:57:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9660248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnTriesToLife/pseuds/AutumnTriesToLife, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashInABox/pseuds/TrashInABox
Summary: [LafaYEET added TurtleFuck, FuckTurtle, HercuLEAVES, I'mNotFuckingCold, G-peg, Lizard, Angle, Original G™, 1812, Jessica, East Side Maria's.]LafaYEET: we are here to discuss alexander hoemilton's, how you say, 'relation' with the fuckturtle.G-peg: what the hecky





	1. Lafaguette walks in on lams™ doing the canoodle

**Author's Note:**

> Marquis de Lafayette -- LafaYEET  
> Alexander Hamilton -- TurtleFuck  
> John Laurens -- FuckTurtle  
> Hercules Mulligan--HercuLEAVES  
> Aaron Burr -- I'mNotFuckingCold -- GOODNIGHT  
> Peggy Schuyler -- G-peg  
> Elizabeth Schuyler -- Lizard  
> Angelica Schuyler -- Angle  
> King George -- Original G™  
> James Madison -- 1812  
> Thomas Jefferson -- Jessica  
> Maria Reynolds -- East Side Maria's

02:00

[LafaYEET added TurtleFuck, FuckTurtle, HercuLEAVES, I'mNotFuckingCold, G-peg, Lizard, Angle, Original G™, 1812, Jessica, East Side Maria's.]

LafaYEET: we are here to discuss alexander hoemilton's, how you say, 'relation' with the fuckturtle.

G-peg: what the hecky

Lizard: alexander hoemilton im wheezinf

TurtleFuck: Not this again

Jessica: Well I mean if you want we can talk about-

TurtleFuck: CONTINUE PLEASE

ImNotFuckingCold: It's like 3 in the morning guys

LafaYEET: And?

G-peg: PEGGY

Angle: What's with all the noise?

TurtleFuck: Morning Angelica

Angle: Alexander are you gay yet?

TurtleFuck: Imean

LafaYEET: LET MOI, LAFAYETTE, EXPLAIN

1812: Oh this is gonna be good

TurtleFuck: MADISON GTFO

LafaYEET: ANYWAYS 

ImNotFuckingCold changed their name to GOODNIGHT

LafaYEET: While I was putting away my carriages filled with baguettes and french fries I walked in front of Laurens' bedroom and I might've

TurtleFuck: HWJWBSBSGGS

TurtleFuck: HEHSBSYHAIOO))PWPLSDN

TurtleFuck: TTWHSBSHA

G-peg: wht

Angle: Alexander what the fuck

LafaYEET: Alexander you burnt French toast morceau de merde 

1812: It was getting interesting

TurtleFuck: Great story Lafaguette why don't we all go to sleep and forget this ever happened

Angle: I say we continue the story

G-peg: CONT InUE TJE FaNFI C

HercuLEAVES: what the hell is this?

LafaYEET: I'm telling a story, mon trésor

HercuLEAVES: okay I'm ready hit me

TurtleFuck: OH GOd

LafaYEET: BACK TO THE STORY

LafaYEET: Curious me decided to take a peek inside le trou only to see that Alexander and Laurens wrapped together under the sheets as straight as a croissant

HercuLEAVES: christ almighty

G-Peg: kinky

Angle: I KNEW IT

1812: Going in the papers for sure 12/10 would fap again

Jessica: Kinda figured you weren't straight after you laid eyes on me

TurtleFuck: Did the shoe I kicked up your ass when I roasted you like a chicken go to your head

TurtleFuck: No one could ever find you attractive

1812: I beg to differ

Jessica: Says the one who paid to keep seeing a whore

EastSideMaria's: I'm here you know

Jessica: OFUCC

Jessica: But it's true tho

EastSideMaria's: Well how could anyone say no to this?

Angle: Easily, bitch

G-peg: damn calm down maria is pretty

EastSideMaria's: Well Alexander didn't say no

Angle: because he was a stupid smol angsty teen back then leave the boy be

TurtleFuck: Can we not talk about the past

EastSideMaria's: You're right I should get going

EastSideMaria's: Call me if you need some passtime Alexander

G-peg: maria no 

EastSideMaria's: Maria yes

Angle: You better run bitch

Angle: She probably went to go attract more rich men on her bucket list

Original G: That story was gayer than my rainbow tainted voice

TurtleFuck: HOLYFUCK

Original G: I bet you my head that Laurens of yours is in your bed rn

FuckTurtle: sure am

Turtlefuck: LAURENS NO

FuckTurtle: laurens yes

EastSideMaria's: Thats my line you hoe

FuckTurtle: roll back the attitude, bitch

G-peg: mar & john pls break it up its too late to fight

TurtleFuck: It's never too late to fight

TurtleFuck: also laf is being too quiet where he go what he do

HercuLEAVES: he do me

G-peg: im too innocent for this gotta blast

TurtleFuck: I AGREE WITH BURR AFTER ALL GOODNIGHT

Lizard: mmmmm you touch my bag-baguette 

Angle: right, thats it, liza, im taking away the vodka for tonight

GOODNIGHT: i hate you all.


	2. Green eggs and Lams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch this before  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8

21:00

 

TurtleFuck: so if you feed a gummy worm to a live worm is it cannibalism 

GOODNIGHT: OHmYGoD AlEXaNDeR

TurtleFuck: What

Lizard: Well Imean not really since it’s a gummy

LafaYEET: I say yes because you’re feeding a worm to a worm

Lizard: But it’s a gummy

GOODNIGHT: MY GOD

GOODNIGHT: I’m surrounded by idiots

Lizard: HEy

LafaYEET: Says toi

GOODNIGHT: and what did I do that’s idiotic

Jessica: I can name a few things

TurtleFuck: STFU JESSICA

Lizard: So Lafaguette how’s you and Herc going

HercuLEAVES: great he has a really nice-

G-peg: I AM F I V E STOP THIS

GOODNIGHT: MULLIGAN STOP

EastSideMaria’s: five my ass

1812: Kinky

G-peg: thats my line

EastSideMaria’s: see??? You beeing five is some more bullshit

TurtleFuck: BEEing

GOOGNIGHT: no

Lizard: ALEXANDER DONT

TurtleFuck: According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

Angle: ALEXANDER NO

TurtleFuck: ALEXANDER Y E S

GOODNIGHT: do you have that memorized

TurtleFuck: who doesn’t

GOODNIGHT: The part of society who isn’t on crack apparently

LafaYEET: That isn’t me apparently

Jessica: ,,,,,,is it possible to be half on crack

TurtleFuck: SHUT UP JESSICA

1812: Thomas no

1812: It’s impossible to not be on me Jeffy

GOODNIGHT: STOP T H I S

Original G™: GAY

Original G™: But I have never been on any drug in my life

TurtleFuck: BULL S H I T

LafaYEET: But you were with me last-

Original G™: Who are you

Original G™: I do not know what you are talking about

LafaYEET: george we watched the bee movie three times last night

Original G™: I DONT KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKIGN AB OUT

TurtleFuck: Cut the Bullshit George we all know you do it every wednesday and friday

HercuLEAVES: Are you coming back to bed La Baguette

G-peg: awww-- I ME AN EWEEWEWEWEWWW

TurtleFuck: Ewe

LafaYEET: But I’m here

HercuLEAVES: I have French toast

LafaYEET: ONMYWaY

FuckTurtle: alex i left you for an hour and you start this

TurtleFuck: I was l o n e l y

FuckTurtle: I was in the kitchen the whole time

Jessica: fucking southerners

LafaYEET: mon ami you are a southerner 

Jessica: Aren’t you supposed to be in bed with your 4 corsets

LafaYEET: i can, how you say, multitask

FuckTurtle: laf you have lived in america for years you know english phrases 

LafaYEET: And you lived in the poor caribeens your entire childhood 

TurtleFuck: lafayette you just said that to john

LafaYEET: FUCK

FuckTurtle: told you you know english phrases

GOODNIGHT: He just wrote caribbean wrong

G-peg: says the person who acts all smart but cant spell schizophrenia 

GOODNIGHT: Says the one who says shes five but was found making out with maria

G-peg: suck multiple dicks, burr

LafaYEET: Calm down mes amies

LafaYEET: you’re making me lose my balance

G-peg: YEESH

GOODNIGHT: does that mean what i think it means

HercuLEAVES: giddy up

FuckTurtle: So that’s what he meant by horses

Angle: im fucking sobbing

Original G™: knees up in the kip, boys

LafaYEET: This is some good tea HUNKules

[GOODNIGHT has left this chat.]

[TurtleFuck has added GOODNIGHT to the chat.]

TurtleFuck: Oh no you don’t Burr

GOODNIGHT: Why am I even here

Angle: You’re the only qualified adult to supervise our activities

Jessica: what about dadison

TurtleFuck: NO

G-peg: kinky

GOODNIGHT: But why am I the adult

TurtleFuck: Cuz you’re smart, kind and you buy us all slushies after cabinet meetings

TurtleFuck: HA

G-peg: wht

TurtleFuck: He’s like a group mom

GOODNIGHT: Wait what

TurtleFuck: GROUP MOM

TurtleFuck: GROUP MOM

Angle:GROUP MOM

FuckTurtle: GROUP MOM

Jessica: GROUP MOM

G-peg: GROUP MOM

TurtleFuck: you aren’t part of this family jefferson

Original G: GROUP MOM

GOODNIGHT: STOP THIS

GOODNIGHT: I AM NOT THE GROUP MOM

G-peg: but moooooom

GOODNIGHT: IF I HEAR MOM ONE MORE TIME YOU GUYS AREN’T GETTING ANY BISCUITS AFTER CONFERENCE

G-peg: oKAY YOURE NOT MOMDIONT TAK ETHE FUCKKGGIN BISCUITS

Angle: Peggy just screamed really loud burr dont take the fuckin buscuits

Angle: bISCUITS GODFUCK

Jessica: who provided those biscuits

1812: France

TurtleFuck: MY GOD SHUT UP WILL YOU

1812: Me?

Jessica: Me?

TurtleFuck: BOTH

[G-peg renamed the group to ‘Burr is group mom’.]

G-peg: nevermind you are the group mom i can just steal the biscuits like i did last time

TurtleFuck: omg

Angle: SAvaGe

Angle: anyway you guys i have multiple family passes for a movie theatre

Angle: dont ask why i have multiple

Angle: but do you guys want to go see a movie since its late and ppl will hardly be there

FuckTurtle: Sure what movie

TurtleFuck: LEGO BATMAN MOVIE

G-peg: DEAL MEET US IN CENTRAL PARK WEST

G-peg: BRING SPARKLERS.

LafaYEET: IM BRINGING THE TWINKIES

Jessica: aw its so nice of you to drive john and alexander too

TurtleFuck: fuck o n f jefferson

Jessica: is that on or off

TurtleFuck: die

Jessica: xoxo


	3. tjeffs is definitely medusa or some shit

Angle: WE HAVE A THEATRE TO OURSELVES GET IN HERE BITCHES

TurtleFuck: OHFUCC

LafaYEET: YEET

[TurtleFuck changed their name to TurtleFucc.]

TurtleFucc: WE HERE BITCHES

[FuckTurtle changed their name to FuccTurtle]

FuccTurtle: now dont get me wrong i hate the double c thing but i gotta match bae yknow

TurtleFucc: john we’ve talked about the bae thing thats a 2013 name

GOODNIGHT: The movie is starting shut your phones down like respectful human beings

LafaYEET: Mon ami we have an entire theater to ourselves

TurtleFucc: Yea fuck o n f Burr

TurtleFucc: Fuck it’s in my autocorrect now

TurtleFucc: anyway guys wanna play a game

Angle: Oh boi

LafaYEET: I love games

HercuLEAVES: ^^^ he sure does

G-peg: kinky

FuccTurtle: Fuck yea what is it

TurtleFucc: Okay so t-jeffs has his phone off like a respectful human ass right

TurtleFucc: well, who wants to play “How many inanimate objects can we stick in tjeffs’ hair without him noticing or knocking one out”

FuccTurtle: IM IN

HercuLEAVES: ^^^^ In where?

Angle: Hell, w/ me

TurtleFucc: [sent a photo] so for starters we have a pen

G-peg: HOW IS IT BALANCING ON ONE CURL WHAT KINDA FANCY ASS SHAMPOO DOES THIS MAN USE

FuccTurtle: [sent a photo] Got my 3D glasses in there

HercuLEAVES: how are you watching the movie if your glasses are in macaroni’s hair

FuccTurtle: Who needs to watch the movie when you got a game

G-peg: [sent a photo] OH SHNiZZLES I DROPPED MY NACHOS

HercuLEAVES: in jefferson’s hair????

G-peg: yes

G-peg: [sent a photo] IT SWALLOEWD IT HOW

G-peg: tJIS MAN SI FUCKGIN MEDUSA OR SOME SHTIT HERCULES HES UR FRIENJD NOIW

FuccTurtle: [sent a photo] 

TurtleFucc: WAIT IS THAT MY PLAN

FuccTurtle: No it’s your hopes and dreams

G-peg: is his hair gonna swallow those too

LafaYEET: WAIT

LafaYEET: [sent a photo] TAKE THIS RUBBER WAND

TurtleFucc: Is that the Harry Potter wand you got from Disney World

Original G™: [sent a photo] he has a condom unicorn horn

Angle: What the fuck george

TurtleFucc: [sent a photo] There’s a banana who put the banana

FuccTurtle: Not Me

Angle: wht no

LafaYEET: What whowhy

HercuLEAVES: WHATTHEFUCK

G-peg: OMG HIS HAIR IS HAIUNTED

TurtleFucc: no but really who put the banana

Angle: [sent a photo] THERES MORE

FuccTurtle: who just ran out of the theatre im honking

Angle: PEGGAY LEFT SHE DOESNT WANNA GET SUCKED INTO TJEFFS HAIR

TurtleFucc: Wait

TurtleFucc: Where’s Burr guys

GOODNIGHT: [sent a photo] in jefferson’s hair

LafaYEET: Where are these so called bananas coming from

Angle: IM OUT I JUST SAW ANOTHER BANANA FALL OUT OF HIS HAIR

LafaYEET: i, how you say, gotta blast

FuccTurtle: wuss

TurtleFucc: Jeez you guys are going,,,,,,,,

FuccTurtle: DONT

TurtleFucc: BAnANAs

FuccTurtle: IM OUT

TurtleFucc: Oh come on john it was a joke

FuccTurtle: BYE

TurtleFucc: Hey Brr

TurtleFucc: burr i see u lurkin’

GOODNIGHT: alexander

TurtleFucc: u should definitely put your soda cup in tjeffs hair

GOODNIGHT: Alex no

GOODNIGHT: Im not doing it

TurtleFucc: Ill tell theo you cry at kitten videos at 4 am sometimes

 

GOODNIGHT: DONT

TurtleFucc: all u have to do is put the cup in his hair burr

TurtleFucc: Unless u want theo to know

GOODNIGHT: Alex you bastard

TurtleFucc: oH MY DGOIDGNG YOU AC TUAKLY DID AND HE SA W ABORUTR MUSSSIONRU N RU N RUNRUNRUN

GOODNIGHT: MYGOD ALEaX YOU fLOPP Y DILDOD

TurtleFucc: g O T T A MC R

G-peg: ALEX I WILL FUCKING CHOKE YOU MCR IS NOT A JOKE

HercuLEAVES: OHFUCK R U N

1812: This is great

1812: [sent a photo]

Angle: MY GOD MADISON HELP HIM

[TurtleFucc changed their name to CAFFEINE]

CAFFEINE: LA FAYEE TE GOT ME C OFFE E FROM STARBUCKS ND IM HYPED LEZZGO BOIS

Jessica: hamilton im going to kill you after i kill burr

CAFFEINE: LaUREN s i like you a loT

FuccTurtle: Baby girl, you need to calm down a bit. The person on cash looks like theyre boutta report you

Jessica: the theatre made us pay for the railing peggy slid down for her grand exit peggy what do you have to say for yourself

G-peg: i did it for the vine

Angle: Pegs thats the oldest meme ever

FuckTurtle: was it even a meme?

G-peg: why the fuck would it not be a meme you derailed train 

Jessica: its not a meme if its not top quality

G-peg: suck my royal ass, tjeffs

EastSideMaria’s: thats my job

G-peg: MARIA REYNOLDS I WILL CHOP YOU UP AND ROLL YOU I SALT AND PUT YOU IN ALCOHOL UNTIL YOU ARE A MARGARITA OF P A I N

EastSideMaria’s: christ almighty above pegs hakuna your tatas

CAFFEINE: adjust ur bust before it combusts

FuccTurtle: alexander no

EastSideMaria’s: you just had to outdo me didnt you

Angle: well at least he didnt do you

CAFFEINE: STOP THIS I WAS 16 WHEN WILL U LET ME LIVE THIS DOWN

Lizard: never

CAFFEINE: GREAT NOW SHES HERE TOO

Lizard: scus

EastSideMaria’s: i dont even like alex anymore but i can confirm he’s a lion on the streets and a kitten in the sheets

FuccTurtle: ^^^^ 100% true

[CAFFEINE has changed their name to #Betrayed.]

#Betrayed: laf and herc are taking me in laurens dont speak to me ever again 

Jessica: omg guys

Jessica: guess what 

#Betrayed: Nobody wants to know, jefferson

Jessica: bite me, hamilton 

G-peg: kinky

Jessica: ;)) 

#Betrayed: in ur fuckin dreams 

[Jessica changed their name to TJefferSUCC.]

TJefferSUCC: madison is a better dream than you 

TJefferSUCC: but anyway

TJefferSUCC: guess what

LafaYEET: wat

TJefferSUCC: im fuckin beautiful today my hair is fleeky

G-peg: bananas were falling out of your hair earlier please explain

TJefferSUCC: wait what the fuck it’s not Sunday

Angle: are u on a cycle or some shit

TJefferSUCC: this only happens on Sundays 

Angle: yes hi my name is thomas “macaroni” jefferson and i only let bananas fall out of my hair on sundays

EastSideMaria’s: omg we’re on the same cycle

TJefferSUCC: liSTEN HOE

TJefferSUCC: I DIDNT ASK FOR YOUR SHIT RIGHT NOW

G-peg: is this the cycle speaking

TJefferSUCC: I’m sorry i thought there were only 2 schuyler sisters who r u

G-peg: im sorry i thought we only had one senate who r u 

LafaYEET: how you say, FEEL THE BURRN.

GOODNIGHT: stop using my name for jokes this is getting out of hand

TJefferSUCC: go back to bed burr

TJefferSUCC: before i burrn you too

HercuLEAVES: this chat started off with us talking about how alex and john were fucking why is it that we always end up here

G-peg: i tS BECCAUSE WE AJVE NO O THER C H O I CEE

TJefferSUCC: why not tho lol

FuccTurtle: say lol one more time and i will slit your fucking kneecaps and mail you to antarctica 

TJefferSUCC: wow laurens tell me how you really feel LOL

FuccTurtle: Alex hold my flower

#Betrayed: kick his ass baby i got yo flower

TJefferSUCC: GOTTA CATCH ME BITCHES LMAO SEE YOU IN FRANCE

HercuLEAVES: I’ll be the only one IN france thank u very much

TJefferSUCC: ok no nevermind

Original G™: gay

1812: George nobody asked for your opinion

TJefferSUCC: yeah well madison no one asked for your input

1812: you asked for my put in

TJefferSUCC: actually it was the other way around

TJefferSUCC: try again sweetie

G-peg: [WASTED.png]

[TJefferSUCC changed their name to tjeffstops]

#Betrayed: all i can see is tjeff stop and i agree

tjeffstops: ding dong u r wrong

tjeffstops: i top

Lizard: you top what, your macaroni with ketchup?

tjeffstops: DISGUSTANG

tjeffstops: no i top when madison and i do the do

LafaYEET: or the, how you say, canoodle

tjeffstops: the frick frack

tjeffstops: under-the-cover action

Angle: the bed boogie

G-peg: The sex

tjeffstops: yes

tjeffstops: exactly

1812: decapitate me daddy

tjeffstops: what the fu c k madison

G-peg: decapitate me father

tjeffstops: gladly

Angle: you wanna repeat yourself there jefferson

tjeffstops: sure

Lizard: thomas you may want to run shes got her claws out

tjeffstops: bite me, lizard

tjeffstops: ok no but 

tjeffstops: THERE ARE MORE BANANAS COMING OUT OF MY HAIR

tjeffstops: WHERD YOU GYUY S GOO

G-peg: gotta blast goodnight


	4. alex should not be trusted ever under any circumstances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> copy and paste the link alex sends. its worth it.

04:37 

#Betrayed: so i was on google and apparently the first european born in canada was named Snorri Thorinnsson

Lizard: what the fuckity alexander

[tjeffstops changed their name to ImMacaroni.]

ImMacaroni: how u doin guys

#Betrayed: jefferson you are not fashionable

ImMacaroni: b i t e m e h a m i l t o n 

#Betrayed: sorry if i wanted to bite something tasty id bite john but he’s asleep so

ImMacaroni: bite him anyway

FuccTurtle: he bit my ass why would you encourage alexander at 4 in the morning

ImMacaroni: why not lol

FuccTurtle: alex just got out of bed with his boxers half off and a twenty one pilots hoodie and he’s running for the door

ImMacaroni: he doesnt know where i live tho

#Betrayed: u wanna fucking bet pal

ImMacaroni: oH I CAN FUCKING BET, PAL

ImMacaroni: L O L 

FuccTurtle: [sent a photo] he t h i c c

G-peg: damn papi 

ImMacaroni: w o w

#Betrayed: this is harassment 

FuccTurtle: harASSment

ImMacaroni: oh hon, i’m thiccer

G-peg: Maria is thiccest

Lizard: How would you know

G-peg: ive gotten more ass than youd expect

ImMacaroni: o shit am i gonna need me some popcorn

1812: Hey guys did you know that thom can talk dirty in southern and french

G-peg: did NOT need to know that madison

ImMacaroni: you were just talking about maria’s ass

ImMacaroni: so i wouldn’t be talking

Lizard: ladies cant we all just agree alex is the nicest thicc boi tho

FuccTurtle: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

ImMacaroni: OHMYGO D HES HERE LAURENS YOU WERENT FUCKIHG KIDDIGN

[#Betrayed changed their name to YouUnderesterateMe.]

YouUnderesterateMe: knock knock its a cock

ImMacaroni: jESUS CRUST

YouUnderesterateMe: ding dong its a thong

ImMacaroni: HAM WHQAT TH E FCUK

1812: Hamilton has his face pressed against the window and thomas is screaming at a pitch that matches the velociraptors from jurassic park

ImMacaroni: HAM PLEASE BUDDY WE CAN WORK THIS OOUT 

YouUnderesterateMe: [sent a photo] thomas wears neon leg warmers

ImMacaroni: YOU TAKE THAT BACK

G-peg: Thomas jefferson wears neon leg warmers pass it on

ImMacaroni: s T O P 

ImMacaroni: THIS IS ABUSE

ImMacaroni: CHILD ABUSE

1812: RUG THOMAS RUG HAMILTON GOT IN

ImMacaroni: GSUGBJRV

ImMacaroni: WHERES BURR WHEN OYU NEED HIM

ImMacaroni: RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUJNR

YouUnderesterateMe: [sent a photo] ding dong what is wrong

1812: thomas i didnt know you could scream like your mom

ImMacaroni: excuse you

ImMacaroni: IM CURRENTLY RUNGING FROM LAURENS’ BOYFRIEND AN D HERE YOU ARE MAKING SEX JOKES

ImMacaroni: NO SEX FOR A WEEK, MADISON

1812: I’m a man i can take it

Lizard: yeah, up the ass

ImMacaroni: gUYS HAM IS CHASING ME DOWN

ImMacaroni: SEND NUDES

ImMacaroni: *HELP

G-peg: how often is that texted for it to be in your autocorrect

1812: I could answer that but i’m not going to 

G-peg: youre a hoe thomas

ImMacaroni: i know

ImMacaroni: okAY BUT HE’S CHASING ME AROUND THE HOSUE\

Angle: Hosue\

ImMacaroni: SHUT UP ANGELICA

ImMacaroni: MASIDON HPLE

Angle: yeah masidon hple the poor man

ImMacaroni: A N G E L I C A

ImMacaroni: MADISON PLEASE 

[1812 changed their name to masidon]

ImMacaroni: hello jefferson is dead madison is next xoxo ~there can only be one

masidon: sorry what

masidon: thom ur not dead i can hear you screaming “GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE” from the other side of the house

G-peg: guys its almost 5 in the morning how did alex even 

FuccTurtle: he literally ran the 5 blocks

ImMacaroni: k hi im alive 

ImMacaroni: ham is a douche

ImMacaroni: i should probably sleep bc i havent in three days see ya suckers

Original G™: choketh me father

ImMacaroni: B Y E

YouUnderesterateMe: What the fuck George

Angle: What the fucketh

[G-peg changed their name to And]

YouUnderesterateMe: And?

And: PEGGY

Angle: THE SCHUYLER SISTERS

YouUnderesterateMe: Oh gog

Angle: GOG

FuccTurtle: praise gog

And: Gesus

YouUnderesterateMe: O H F U C K O N F

YouUnderesterateMe: FUCK

Angle: this is my new religion

FuccTurtle: OH SHIT

FuccTurtle: ALEX GOT A HOLD OFTHE COFFEE

YouUnderesterateMe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNbM4CQTTKw

Angle: What the fuck alex

And: OH NO ITS STUCKI IN ME HAEdd

LafaYEET: this is, how you say, funny

And: laf you know what funny means goddamn stop acting like you cant english

Angle: he spelt caribbean wrong tho

LafaYEET: Do I really need to carry a dictionary with me

YouUnderesterateMe: John lactose and Hamilkton, dynamic moo-o

Angle: That was UDDERly disgusting

Lizard: CUD you not

FuccTurtle: these puns are CHEESY

And: stop

ImMacaroni: I came back because i heard puns calling my name

YouUnderesterateMe: snek go slither hither

Angle: ICE CREAM-Ing

FuccTurtle: alex is just whispering snek repeatedly to himself

[YouUnderesterateMe changed their name to SlippySnek]

Angle: alex n o

SlippySnek: alex y e

SlippySnek: Snek is love Snek is life

And: LETS NOT BRING THAT BACK SHALL WE

Masidon: thomas is wheezing

SlippySnek: don’t worry it’ll all be snover snoon

And: snoo sneed sno snop

Angle: how bout we all stop

Lizard: end your loaf

SlippySnek: cut my loaf into pieces

SlippySnek: this is my plastic fork

GOODNIGHT: It’s like 5 in the morning guys

ImMacaroni: Yo alexander on a scale from one to america how free are you tonight

SlippySnek: Germany 1942

And: holy FUCK

LafaYEET: HOW YOU SAY,,,, Y I K E S

Original G: My Gog

GOODNIGHT: burrn

SlippySnek: Buur did you just

[GOODNIGHT has renamed the group to SAY ONE MORE WORD AND ILL STOP PAYING FOR YOUR SLUSHIES AFTER MEETINGS]

SlippySnek: one more word

And: ALEXANDER N O


	5. singles awareness day but every time someone complains we take a shot

12:00 

[Angle has renamed the group to Single’s Awareness Day]

Angle: Let’s play a game guys

SlippySnek: Oh no

Angle: OK

Angle: Since it’s Single’s Awareness Day 

Angle: Every time someone complains about there being too much romance or them being single everyone takes a shot

And: youre the only one who’s gonna end up drunk cause instead of a shot youll drink a bottle per complaint 

Angle: Shhh Peggy thats not true

Lizard: it kinda is tho

FuccTurtle: Yo Ham do you like milk or dark chocolate

SlippySnek: uhh milk

SlippySnek: Hey John have I ever told you that your pants look hot

[FuccTurtle changed their name to HotPants]

HotPants: yes

And: kinky

And: Wait Burr don’t have a crush on Theo

GOODNIGHT: Don’t

[And added THEOriginal to the group]

And: ey theo how u like the cold

THEOriginal: Its alright tbh why

And: what about BURR

GOODNIGHT: Peggy i will end you

SlippySnek: ehehehehe

GOODNIGHT: Alexander you didn’t

SlippySnek: Tell her that you cry over kittens at 4 in the morning? no

THEOriginal: Wait what 

GOODNIGHT: Theodosia make him stop

THEOriginal: no alex tell me more

SlippySnek: Or how you’re the group mom who buys us Slushies after cabinet meetings

GOODNIGHT: I WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE FOOT

And: How you got beat the flickflack up by Jefferson At the theatre

GOODNIGHT: Peggy

THEOriginal: wow burr youre wild

ImMacaroni: what’s up sluts 

ImMacaroni: guess who’s back from prison

And: did you just quote 50% off

ImMacaroni: what???? …..NO 

And: bullshit, youre a fucking dweeb

ImMacaroni: u dont kno tht

And: kiss kiss fall in..

ImMacaroni: LOV E

And: fucking told you. DDweeb.

And: SiE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WIR SIND DIE,,

ImMacaroni: jAE G E R 

ImMacaroni: ok but who’s the real dweeb here

And: shut your fuck

ImMacaroni: maybe later

masidon: nope

ImMacaroni: what

ImMacaroni: i’ll fuck you shut 

SlippySnek: aggressive

ImMacaroni: u wanna fuckin fight ham

ImMacaroni: bc we can fuckin fight

HotPants: “thems be fightin’ words hoe” ~alexander

ImMacaroni: madison back me up

masidon: no

ImMacaroni: why

masidon: no

ImMacaroni: but why 

SlippySnek: no means no thomas

ImMacaroni: i’m reporting you for domestic abuse

masidon: you threw a box of macaroni at me today

ImMacaroni: thats dIFFERENT YOU SAID MY PINK SUIT WAS TOO PINK

ImMacaroni: TEHRE CAN NEVER BEE TOO MUCH PINK

Angle: are y’all done yet because i'd like to get back to my drinking

And: dad said no drinking this week tho

Angle: snitches get stitches peggy

And: hoes get no bros angelica

Lizard: goddamn

ImMacaroni: y'all 

ImMacaroni: im dyin over here 

ImMacaroni: where's alex 

[SlippySnek has changed their name to ResidentTjeffsHater#1]

ImMacaroni: ouch

ImMacaroni: come back and fight me alexander hamilwhore 

ResidentTjeffsHater#1: no thank i like john better he’s comfortable 

ImMacaroni: laurens what do you have to say about this

HotPants: alexander looks fluffy i’m cool with it 

ImMacaroni: laurens that's hella gay

ImMacaroni: laurens has been lurkin

ImMacaroni: so has burr

GOODNIGHT: I like observing you as if I’m the superior species

ImMacaroni: jesus christ

OriginalG™: I do the same thing but I just wait for my chance to jump in nd say gay

ImMacaroni: george are u gay

OriginalG™: only for the original founding daddy Lin Manuel Miranda 

ImMacaroni: FOUNDINF DADDDY IM CHOKIGN

And: on what ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

masidon: my dick

ImMacaroni: J A m E S

Angle: whats new tho

ImMacaroni: ur face 

Angle: i have been alive for 26 years thomas my face is not new

ImMacaroni: bite me angelica 

Angle: i’d rather deepthroat an x-acto knife

ImMacaroni: wow

ResidentTjeffsHater#1: wait everyone who agrees with ang say banana

Angle: banana

ResidentTjeffsHater#1: everyone besides angelica who agrees with angelica say banana

Angle: banana

And: banana

LafaYEET: banana

HercuLEAVES: banana

Lizard: banana

ImMacaroni: istg james if you say banana i will fucking snip your dick 

OriginalG™: banana

EastSideMaria’s: bnanan

EastSideMaria’s: FCUK

ImMacaroni: yeah fuck me 

EastSideMaria’s: and you call me the whore

ImMacaroni: when did i ever call u a whore

EastSideMaria’s: chapter one

ImMacaroni: why are you like this 

HotPants: banana

masidon: b a n a n a

ImMacaroni: jAME S 

ImMacaroni: now, james, let me remind you who has the bigger dick

masidon: okay wait let me correct myself

ImMacaroni: that's what i thought 

masidon: B A N A N A

ImMacaroni: bye 

[ResidentTjeffsHater#1 has renamed the group to big B A N A N A]

ImMacaroni: this is child abuse 

And: youre not a fucking child youve done more people than ive eaten tomatoes and thats saying something

ImMacaroni: :(

ImMacaroni: i've literally only done james

ImMacaroni: so there

And: exactly

And: i hate tomatoes B^)

ImMacaroni: ???? ok ?? 

And: fuck wait

And: i did that wRONG GOTTA BLAST

ImMacaroni: james love me

ImMacaroni: i'm sad 

Masidon: fine i love you

ResidentTjeffsHater#1: EW ROMANCE

Angle: take a shot alexander

ImMacaroni: !!! i love u too 

ImMacaroni: btw alex what happened with u and hot pants over there

HotPants: we made pancakes 

ImMacaroni: but i thought you two liked each other 

ImMacaroni: am i wrong 

HotPants: no you just think that liking someone is doing it constantly but alex and i are this thing called domestic and its actually quite lovely

ImMacaroni: that's not fucking true laurens

ImMacaroni: you know i'm not a whore 

ImMacaroni: if you doubt me i'm leaving 

HotPants: alex said to say i doubt you

[ImMacaroni has left the chat.]

ResidentTjeffsHater#1: later hoe

masidon: omgg alex he's comin for u 

Lizard: isnt that what he does for u tho

masidon: absolutely

masidon: he's gonna kick your ass alex

masidon: he's pissed 

HotPants: tell him to bring it we have laf and herc and ange and peggs here for a glee marathon the alexander defence squad is all together

masidon: and you didn't invite me? 

And: glee is our thing sorry mads youre cool too

masidon: :( 

masidon: why don't you guys like thom 

HotPants: alex is salty @ him because once he insulted me

masidon: that's it? 

HotPants: he also says most of his opinions are rather self centered and he smells like sardines

masidon: i- 

ResidentTjeffsHater#1: ITS TRUE AND U KNOW IT

masidon: ,, no

And: it kinda is tho

masidon: fine but i'm telling him you said this

Lizard: do it

masidon: i will

masidon: omg i'm crhing 

masidon: he's not coming backk 

HotPants: he just busted into the apartment and alex is on the banister with a pillow and his old superman cape

masidon: oh my fuckifn god i'll be right there 

Lizard: ill driv e the rest of the squad its pillow fight time hoes

masidon: HDNEKWKDM

masidon: LLJFJRKE

masidon: hey guys it's ur fav here 

masidon: i'm currently slitting alex’s throat brb 

And: thomas we’re all right here we know

Angle: i jsut finsenesd tje vodka rbign it bi tches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omgmgh thank you guys so much for so many reads all three of us writing it love y'all very much stay safe friends


	6. literally what the actual fuck

12:46

[HotPants changed their name to SlayQueen.] 

[masidon added ImMacaroni to the chat.]

[ImMacaroni changed their name to ProblematicFav.]

[masidon changed their name to daddison.]

Lizard: why is everyone changing their names

[ResidentTjeffsHater#1 changed their name to ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯.]

[LafaYEET changed their name to LafaYETI.]

Angle: okay that one i want backstory to

ProblematicFav: i'm ready to slit someone's fucking kneecaps 

EastSideMaria’s: when are you not ?????

ProblematicFav: shut it, maria

ProblematicFav: don't make me slit your kneecaps 

14:05

ProblematicFav: bonjour y'all 

LafaYETI: bonjour 

ProblematicFav: where is everyone 

ProblematicFav: no one wants to talk to me

Angle: we’re at the ham&laur household making cupcakes

And: laf made dickcakes because he has no chill

ProblematicFav: be there in a sec 

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯: bring mads or im locking you out

ProblematicFav: madison where are you 

ProblematicFav: we’re going to ham’s to have dickcakes 

Lizard: as if you dont eat enough dick already

ProblematicFav: this is child abuse

And: why do you always say that us roasting you is child abuse

ProblematicFav: i am a child

LafaYETI: certainly not

ProblematicFav: what do you mean

HercuLEAVES: we caught you and madison doing it drunk on new years in alex and john’s house

ProblematicFav: sHUT U

ProblematicFav: DELETE T H A T 

LafaYETI: [sent a photo]

Lizard: damn thomas is thicc

And: dELEKEKT IM TOOR Y OU DNG TO D IE

ProblematicFav: S T O P 

ProblematicFav: HES GONNA KILL ME 

And: hahaha thats what u get

ProblematicFav: LISTEN P EG G E R 

Angle: pegger

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯: pegger

[And has changed their name to pegger]

ProblematicFav: die 

Angle: laf explain ur name i still want a backstory

LafaYETI: laurens explain

SlayQueen: so laf showed up at our back door head to toe in snow, and i kid you not, alexander opens the door and shrieks like james that one time when alex almost killed him and then he falls on his ass and just 

SlayQueen: in the quietest voice ever you just hear

SlayQueen: “...lafayeti”

SlayQueen: and then alex is both laughing and in tears 

SlayQueen: needless to say he hadnt slept in two days

LafaYETI: i had to sing alex to sleep in french mon poor petit lion

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7P1iVo8wSc&list=PLTbMOFl_eTDSCdwxjBw0diAQdSBrIzQ0R&index=6

SlayQueen: Goddamnit

pegger: ME

LafaYETI: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Angle: Wii is like so last generation

SlayQueen: Like older than Lin Manuel Miranda generation

SlayQueen: LMM

pegger: guys oh my fucking go d i just went through the mcdonalds drive through for a salad and like the cash guy went enjoy your meal and i said “you too!”

ProblematicFav: who the f uck buys a salad at mcdonalds

Angle: People who try to diet but fail miserably

Angle: Like me

pegger: but i just rlly like their salad ?????

SlayQueen: But no really guys

SlayQueen: I asked for milk at a gyro place and they gave me a baby bottle of fucking curdled ass shit 

OriginalG: once i went to this big grill restaurant and they found out it was my birthday and gave me a chicken wing with a candle in it

pegger: Darn a grill place for a preppy king 

pegger: What a downgrade in quality

LafaYETI: I once went to a all you can eat buffet and I ate only the frog legs 

LafaYETI: Best 25$ meal yet

ProblematicFav: I went to a restaurant for my birthday and they found out so they made me stand on a chair and yell “IM THE BIRTHDAY PRINCESS” 

pegger: the ultimate public shame 

Angle: OH MY GOD YOU GUYUS DO YOUI REMEMEBER WHEN YOU’D GET A HAIRCUT ASA KID AND THEY’DD ASK HOW YOUR GRADES WERE AND YOU COULDNT R UN

ProblematicFav: OHM Y GOD

ProblematicFav: Have you guys ever been to HippitySnips and after they gave you a haircut they’d let you ride that mall ride that’d you pay two dollars for a 30 second ride

pegger: you went to HippitySnips

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯: pretentious since childhood

SlayQueen: ALEX MY GOD GO TO SLEEP

pegger: You need to slep

[ProblematicFav changed their name to HippitySnips.]

Angle: Slep

Angle: Snek

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯: s LI P P Y S N E K

SlayQueen: ANgelICaa YOu BiTCH

THEOriginal: omg guys but in our private chat peggy is making fun of me bc im straight and apparently straights have more issues

pegger: all who agree straights are problematic say dildo

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯: dog food lid

SlayQueen: ALEXANDER N O

GOODNIGHT: what is this

pegger: read it backwards burr

LafaYETI: dildo

SlayQueen: dildo

HippitySnips: DILDO

pegger: thomas youre more problematic than all of us combined

HippitySnips: says the 6 year old child who understands dog food lid

pegger: bitch at least i didnt go to hippity snips

HippitySnips: Hey HippitySnips was the hip like the kids back in the day

pegger: you boutta need a new hippity hip

Angle: peggy takes the ‘pegger’ nickname to a whole new level

HippitySnips: hon id like to see you try to deck me

pegger: say another word and your dick is snippity snip

daddison: hoe dont do it i need that

LafaYETI: Hey guys i have a thing

SlayQueen: What’s up Laf

LafaYETI: So i read on this article that there’s a group simulation thing coming to the city and they need volunteers

pegger: BITYCH COUNT ME IN

Angle: YOOO

SlayQueen: as long as Alex sleeps tonight we’ll go 

HippitySnips: ME AND DADDY ARE GOING

pegger: kinky

HippitySnips: damn straight

daddison: damn gay

GOODNIGHT: christ

pegger: yo but guys make sure to bring silly string we can leave marks and trails nd stuff to locate each other

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯: me and john call blue and green

pegger: k im getting black like my darkening soul

GOODNIGHT: Peggy you are the youngest and most innocent here

EastSideMaria's: innocent my ass

EastSideMaria's: literally

pegger: maria they mustnt know tis a scandal

Angle: whats new in this family tbh

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯: we all scdandal a f 

SlayQueen: baby girl go to bed

LafaYETI: we are on our way peggy and angelica meet us at the dollar store 

pegger: aye aye monsieur lafayette

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯: Y E E T

SlayQueen: alexander just shrieked yeet and flipped his desk

pegger: are u really surprised at this point tho

SlayQueen: not at all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Kate: suP SLUTS ITS KATE !!  
> I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I HELLA ENJOY WRITING WITH AUTUMN AND THAT I WANT YOUR FEEDBACK  
> THANK YOU  
> STAY STRONG AND STAY GAY  
> B Y E  
> “Daddy’s callin!” 
> 
> From Savannah: Look at the me guys I'm somewhat alive. Anyways we'll be posting new chapters every other day cuz laziness and shit and I can tell you we already have plans for the next 20 or something chapters. Why you guys like it is beyond my knowledge but thanks for the support and we appreciate food and sleep and Internet Imma go slep now bye  
> From Autumn: y'all excuse savannah for passing out shes been busy as fuck lately  
> anyways, hi, now you know all of our names! Savannah and i originally started this, and kate joined in shortly after bc she cool. aNYWAYS AGAIUN thank you all sO SO SO SO SO MUCH FoR THe comments and reads like legit i almost cried when we got comments even ask kate  
> your comments make my fucking day okay and every vote and read and share means the world  
> we started writing this to de-stress and have some fun and we never expected it'd hit it off in this community bc we suck but you guys are reading it and commenting and liking and o h my g od ?? ??? ?  
> we love y'all so much and trust me when i say there will be many more chapters to come (^:
> 
> ~xoxo


	7. never let burr near zombies, like, ever

18:13

[¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ has changed their name to Yrstruly]

[GOODNIGHT has changed their name to SuicidalAndSingle]

Yrstruly: k so who’s driving 

daddison: Me and tjeffs are already here

Yrstruly: did i ask if thomas was alreaDY THERE? NO. I DIDNT.

SlayQueen: alex, calm, we’ve talked about this

SuicidalAndSingle: Theodosia and I are on our way rn

Yrstruly: Hey burr

SuicidalAndSingle: No

pegger: hey bu r r

SuicidalAndSingle: N O

Yrstruly: Hey T H e o

THEOriginal: Sup Alex

THEOriginal: Why is Burr inhaling like he wants to scream his lungs out

Yrstruly: he hates it when we all go “hey burr” like we’re going to ask him a question bc usually we just tease him about you or send a meme

SuicidalAndSingle: ALE x

Yrstruly: Anyways wanna give us a lift?

pegger: yeah pls group mom im bad at driving

THEOriginal: I don’t see why not

pegger: YAAy

Yrstruly: theo is as nice as burr isn’t omg you two are perfect for each other

SuicidalAndSingle: Why does my name always describe me in these moments

pegger: But burr

pegger: ur not single

THEOriginal: Well you’re not wrong

SuicidalAndSingle: wh a t

HippitySnips: what 

SuicidalAndSingle: ANYWAY ALEX AND PEGGY WE’RE ON OUR WAY TO PICK YOU UP LETS DROP THE TOPIC

pegger: no 

HippitySnips: n o\

Yrstruly: no i’m curious are you two finally together

HippitySnips: it's about time 

pegger: legit tho

OriginalG™: Straight

HippitySnips: yALL BANANAS ARE FALLIGN OUT OF MT HAIR AGAIN

HippitySnips: HLEP 

Angle: tbh we dont care be thankful you dont drip blood out of your hair

HippitySnips: that happens to you too? 

Angle: is this kid for real

HippitySnips: i'm kidding what the fuck 

Angle: so am i what the fuck

daddison: what the duck

daddison: *fuck 

daddison: whY

pegger: even your autospell is a dad

daddison: shut it pegger 

pegger: make me daddison

SlayQueen: okay but why was the founding father lin manuel hot as fuck and why does he look like alex but classier 

HippitySnips: alternate universe??? 

daddison: thomas lin is from this universe he’s just dead

HippitySnips: don't tell me what to do, daddison 

pegger: okay but when you call him daddison it just sounds kinky

HippitySnips: that's the point ;))

Yrstruly: even i’m not that kinky in bed and i’m more wild than you

Yrstruly: OFUCK BURR IS HERE GOTTA BLAST SEE YOU GUYS AT THE THING

HippitySnips: i'll be here waiting to beat yr ass

19:24

Yrstruly: k so me&laur, mullette, and the schuyler sisters are going to stick together nd the rest of y’all can get protected by theo bc she’s more of a man than any of you will ever be

daddison: thomas cries during sex pass it on

HippitySnips: JAMES WHY

Yrstruly: we already know this lafayette told us when he walked in on new years 

HippitySnips: oh my god 

Angle: you guys arent exactly quiet

pegger: or subtle

OriginalG™: or straight

Yrstruly: why does george always show up just to say anything to do with gay

OriginalG™: it is my role here is it not

pegger: whatever helps u sleep at night my dude

LafaYETI: why are we texting we are all standing side by side and they just gave us the all clear to go in

Angle: OH SHiT I sAW SOMEThINg

LafaYETI: Wait what was rule 34 again?

Angle: THERE WERE RULES??

Yrstruly: I SAY RULE 34 IS FUCKIGJNN SP R IN T Y’ALL TJERES A ZOMB IE BEHIND TH E HAYSTACK

OriginalG™: Why was i not invited to this

pegger: cuz you would behead every fucker in this simulation just by looking at them

HippitySnips: ouch

HippitySnips: O H GOD THE ERS ON E IN TH E CA R 

HippitySnips: RUN Y YOU A SSE S R U N

Lizard: you hoes are so terrified but i just took three of the sims down in one swipe

LafaYETI: You’re not supposed to touch them angelica

Angle: but the baby one was cute

LafaYETI: And?

pegger: PEGGY

THEOriginal: Guys idk if you heard but Aaron just fucking shrieked because a five year old zombie tried to fist bump him

Yrstruly: HOLY SHiT BuRR I HEard an ECho

pegger: a window just shattered omg

Angle: im collecting a piece as a souvenir 

SlayQueen: alexander is sobbing because he thought something moved but it was his hair so i had to give him my hairtie 

LafaYETI: I THInk I see an exit

LafaYETI: NVM It WAs A DEAD End fILLe D WIth DEAd MEN

HippitySnips: who the fuck is wearing a kermit the frog onesie and climbing one of the trees to get to the roof

Yrstruly: HEY HOe KerMIT De frOg heRe

SlayQueen: Alex dont Kermit suicide

pegger: We are in the middle of a crisis

pegger: could you not

pegger: OH go D THEY FOuND mE

Yrstruly: the zombies?

Pegger: No 

Pegger: THE SQ UiRRLeS

Angle: IM FUCKI NG WEAK

Angle: the squirrels are all over her

Angle: [sent a photo]

HippitySnips: You guys still going?

HippitySnips: Me and Daddison are already done

Yrstruly: Out of all of us he’s the one to get out first damMit

Angle: how did you get out so fast?

HippitySnips: We followed the path

pegger: THERE WAS A PATH???

LafaYETI: how you say, we fucked up

HercuLEAVES: for fucks sake laf

LafaYETI: s’cuse mon amour

HercuLEAVES: you stop that

pegger: eww

Yrstruly: i’d talk about shipping it but like there are 3 zombies on the roof across from me and im singing staying alive

SlayQueen: he really is and im in tears

pegger: ALEX I CAN SEE YOU LOOK OVER TO THE TREE CAN YOU GET ME OUT OF HERE

pegger: ANGE IS ALREADY INSIDE SHE ABANDONED ME AND LIZA IS LITERALLY RUNNING UP TO ZOMBIES AND HUGGING THEM

Lizard: you shouldnt have let me into the ice cream before we left

HippitySnips: haha suckers

Daddison: im going to see if mcdonalds has room for all of us and if so after this we can go get fries nd shit

pegger: I WANT A SALAD

HippitySnips: ONCE AGAIN, WHO THE FUCK GETS A SALAD AT MCDONALDS

pegger: ME, YOU MACARONI LOVING DOUCHE CANOE

Lizard: thanks daddison 

Yrstruly: douche canoe im sobbing

LafaYETI: do you think the authors have trouble writing me as a character because none of them know french well enough to make it sound normal?

Angle: stop it

HippitySnips: probably 

Yrstruly: says the man who butchers the french language even after staying in france for years

HippitySnips: listen here u lil shit

Yrstruly: busy rn laurens and i are seeing what it’s like to make out during an apocalypse

HippitySnips: um 

SlayQueen: its exhilarating 

OriginalG™: GAY

THEOriginal: Hello i found my way out but i can hear burr crying from the inside someone help him

Yrstruly: burr is a man he can find his own way out

HippitySnips: lmao no

[SuicidalAndSingle changed their name to ClothedAndAfraid.]

HippitySnips: alex u were wrong

LafaYETI: does jumping off a roof over the exit fence count as escaping

HippitySnips: maybe if you try hard enough

HercuLEAVES: laf and i jumped off the roof over the fence and someone pied laf in the face for cheating

daddison: h my god

LafaYETI: hercules fluttered his eyelashes at the girl and got out of it im hurt

LafaYETI: even if i probably would have gave in too

pegger: hAHAH

Angle: so me, pegs, and eliza still have to get out, aswell as Lams™ and burr

pegger: sorry hate to break it to you but ive been out

HippitySnips: im hella hungry im running to mcdonalds see ya suckas

Yrstruly: N O TAKE ME WITH YOU

HippitySnips: ew no

Yrstruly: youre a dick, good sir

HippitySnips: so is your boyfriend but you dont have a problem with that

pegger: if theres anyone here who IS nice its laurens, thomas

HippitySnips: ok and

pegger: you called him a dick

HippitySnips: you dont know that

pegger: HippitySnips, today, 20:32; “so is your boyfriend but you dont have a problem with that”

pegger: you, calling john a dick.

HippitySnips: you can leave 

SlayQueen: leave peggy alone i’ll whoop your ass

HippitySnips: bye 

Yrstruly: peggy schuyler protection squad assemble

HippitySnips: ok but what if im not as asshole-ish as i seem

LafaYETI: oh we know

Yrstruly: thomas jefferson cries during sex pass it on

HippitySnips: guys pls

daddison: well they’re not wrong

HippitySnips: james why

daddison: ily

HippitySnips: sure

Yrstruly: HEY HO KERMIT DE FROG IS OUTTA JAIL AND AFTER THOMAS JEFFERSONS BITCH ASS

HippitySnips: guys are you ready 

HippitySnips: i got yall food + the girls and madison some flowers bc im so nice

Lizard: youre my new best babe if you get me an oreo mcflurry 

HippitySnips: i’m on it

Lizard: god fucking bless ur soul you can come watch glee with me sometime

HippitySnips: are u for real tho

HippitySnips: omg when 

Lizard: hows friday sound

HippitySnips: omg thank u Liza

Yrstruly: hurt her feelings and i snap your dick off thomas

Angle: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

HippitySnips: jesus christ

HippitySnips: omw w/ food

THEOriginal: Oh my god wait is Aaron still stuck in the maze

Pegger: is he 

ClothedAndAfraid: y E S

THEOriginal: aHAHHAH

ClothedAndAfraid: i tHOUGHT YOU LOVED ME THEODOSIA 

THEOriginal: I do but om g 

ClothedAndAfraid: i got one of the zombies to lead me out

THEOriginal: [sent a photo] guys he’s crying

Yrstruly: i relate

LafaYETI: how you sa y,,,,,,, y i k e s

HercuLEAVES: FOR FUCKS SAKE LAFAYETTE

Yrstruly: DO MORE

Yrstruly: also sidenote never take burr to haunted houses apparently he’s terrified of everything

SlayQueen: if it makes you feel better burr i almost cried when a zombie jumped up at us while we were on the roof

pegger: oh my god 

ClothedAndAfraid: it does not make me feel better. I don’t need your pity.

HippitySnips: im here with ur food come n get it bitches 

THEOriginal: I had to strap Aaron in like a child

pegger: kinky

HippitySnips: hecka kinky 

ClothedAndAfraid: i hate every one of you


	8. so we found a website that generates bad jokes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is funnier if you whisper the lines to yourself in an accent.

04:27

Yrstruly: what do you call a snobbish criminal walking down the stairs

HippitySnips: wht

Yrstruly: a condescending con descending

HippitySnips: what kind of shoes does a criminal wear

Yrstruly: Reebok classic

HippitySnips: sneakers

HippitySnips: what kind of shoes does a pedophile wear

HippitySnips: white vans

pegger: im fuckign sobbing

HippitySnips: organ donors really put their heart into it

LafaYETI: dont eat the french fish, its poisson

Yrstruly: LAFAYETTE NO

LafaYETI: Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de La Fayette, Marquis de La Fayette yes

SlayQueen: my friend was cold so i told her to stand in a corner

SlayQueen: corners are 90 degrees

Yrstruly: honey we know

SlayQueen: heck

HippitySnips: can february march?

HippitySnips: no but april may

Yrstruly: everyone knows that joke jefferson 

HippitySnips: jSUS FCUK ALEX LETT ME LI V 

pegger: whats stucco

SlayQueen: what

pegger: What happens when you step in bubblegummo.

Lizard: what the fuck peggy

Angle: A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Yrstruly: the man entered his home and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in the house

ClothedAndAfraid: What did the rude prism say to the light beam that smacked into him?

HippitySnips: what

HippitySnips: OH MY GOD DADDISON ARE YOU A TRUMPET

ClothedAndAfraid: get bent !!!

daddison: no im not a trumpet why

Yrstruly: bc he’s gonna blow u

HippitySnips: BECAUSE YOU MAKE ME HORNY

pegger: what was bob the builder called after he retired?

Lizard: what

pegger: bob.

Yrstruly: john you’re on the list of things i’d do for a klondike bar

SlayQueen: alexander it is 4 in the morning

Yrstruly: ok and 

SlayQueen: now is not the time to make jokes about doing me because you will either regret it in the morning or grab my ass as soon as youre awake

HippitySnips: knock knock

daddison: who’s there

HippitySnips: theodore

daddison: theodore who

HippitySnips: theodore was closed so i knocked

Yrstruly: whiteboards are remarkable

EastSideMaria’s: alexander im going to deCAPitate you

EastSideMaria’s: hhahahah get it cap as in cap of a marker

Yrstruly: smh

SlayQueen: soup that tastes great is souper

daddison: What’s the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick

HippitySnips: wht

daddison: The more you play with them the harder they get

HippitySnips: OH MY GOD

pegger: kinky

Yrstruly: okay what the fuck

[daddison has changed their name to DaddiSIN.]

pegger: [sent a photo]

LafaYETI: Why do you have a black eye?

Angle: WhO ThE FUC BEat YOUr ASs

Lizard: I’m gonna cut a bitch 

pegger: okay so I was walking down the street and I saw a woman wearing a shirt that had the word guess on it

Angle: you didn’t

pegger: and I might’ve said implants

Angle: Yeah no you deserved that

Yrstruly: WOW 

LafaYETI: HOW YOU SAY,,, SAVAGE, AND Y I K E S

HippitySnips: Wow peggy you have more balls on the street than you do on your chest 

pegger: SHUT YOUR FUCK

HippitySnips: Sorry doing that in mid intercourse would be a health and safety regulation

Yrstruly: Laurens so they can do this now and not us

SlayQueen: Alex Im too tired for this rn

pegger: hey jefferson guess what 

HippitySnips: what

pegger: u suck

HippitySnips: go fuck urself

pegger: maybe i will

EastSideMaria’s: nu uh honey you didn’t clean the kitchen after your cake experiment blew up you don’t get shit

pegger: babe why

SlayQueen: aw poor baby

pegger: shes mean tell her she should be nice to me papi

Yrstruly: fist me papi

SlayQueen: Alexander P L E A S E

[pegger renamed the group to John is Papi.]

Lizard: i agree

Yrstruly: back off the man with the freckles and hair and eyes and smile and lovely voice is m i n e 

Lizard: hon u left me for him wouldnt i try to steal you instead of him

Yrstruly: its not my fault john is so easy to fall in love with

pegger: no you’re right it’s tjeffs fault

HippitySnips: AND WHy would that be

pegger: because you’re a dick and make papito look hotter

HippitySnips: WELL YOU KNOW WhAT YOU ARE

HippitySnips: YOU’RE A DISA-FUCKING-PPOINTMENT

pegger: in the FEELS

Lizard: He’s right you know

pegger: I just came in here to have fun and chat but personally I’m feeling very ttecked rn

Yrstruly: ttecked

pegger: SHut Up]

Lizard: Shut down

Yrstruly: Shut right 

HippitySnips: Shut left

pegger: take it back now y'all

Yrstruly: Shut up Jefferson no one invited you to this party

HippitySnips: No one invited you to american

pegger: american

LafaYETI: he invited he to american

HercuLEAVES: that’s the worst english i’ve heard from you in all my time knowing you

LafaYETI: Im hunagary

Lizard: im wheezing

Yrstruly: Yo

SlayQueen: hi wheezing im dad

Yrstruly: lets go to wALMART

SlayQueen: after everyone sleeps lex

LafaYETI: Im am going to the McDonaldos first

Yrstruly: Hi am you go to that McDonlas

pegger: whgat the ac utal f cukk


	9. alex and john are ironically similar to autumn and her love

15:19

Yrstruly: this is an aBOMINATION mcdonaldos has no cAFFIENATED BEVERAGES 

SlayQueen: Aww baby girl maybe it’s for the best

Yrstruly: are you saying that pERSONALLY ATTACKING ME is for tHE BeST ?????

SlayQueen: in this case ye s

pegger: lets go to burger king

Yrstruly: UGhh why there of all places

pegger: because they might have caffeine

SlayQueen: N O

Yrstruly: Y E S

SlayQueen: OH GO D

LafaYETI: O H MY GOD IT GEaoRg

pegger: joj the pig

Yrstruly: Why is he here

OriginalG™: Because I am THE BURGER KING

SlayQueen: oh no

Lizard: im weak

[OriginalG™ has changed their name to TheBurgerKing™] 

Yrstruly: Yo is there any caffeine 

HippitySnips: iM BACK BABYYYYYY

SlayQueen: we should prolly go back to walmart now we need so much shit

Yrstruly: ok but like what

HercuLEAVES: like stuff for dinner, john needs more tiny canvases, laf needs hairties because he doesnt like looking like thomas, peggy wants to buy baby clothes for no reason other than how cute they are

HippitySnips: I am offended

SlayQueen: aLEX CAN I PLEASE HAVE A TURTLE STUFFED ANIMAL PLEASE PELAS EEPLEAMS E

Yrstruly: no

SlayQueen: ill let u be the big spoon

Yrstruly: excuse u 

pegger: alex dont play even a blind man could tell youre a little spoon

Yrstuly: peggy dont play even a blind man could see that youre a bottom

SlayQueen: so there

Angle: ouch

LafaYETI: h o w y o u s a y ,,,, feel the burrn

ClothedAndAfraid: leave

HercuLEAVES: no

LafaYETI: amor i can answer for myself

Yrstruly: power couple ^ 

SlayQueen: what about us alex

Yrstruly: we’re the dweeb couple

Angle: we’ve been in the parking lot for 10 minutes can we go in 

Lizard: i cALL DIBS GOING THROUGH THE SUGAR ISLES WHOS WITH ME

Yrstruly: ME 

SlayQueen: CAN I GET THOSE PEACH FRUIT CUPS OR SOME CUPCAKES

Yrstruly: why not both 

SlayQueen: this is why you are my one and only true love

Yrstruly: <3333

SlayQueen: <333

pegger: is this another inside thing we will never understand

HippitySnips: yall make me wanna throw up

DaddiSIN: y’all’d’ve known that was gonna happen

HippitySnips: what the fcuk 

DaddiSIN: what

pegger: drop a sick beat

Lizard: wha\t waht wat what , ye et

Yrsrtruly: i- 

Angle: love john laurens yes we know

Yrstruly: tru

Yrstruly: baise-moi papi

SlayQueen: what all i understood was papi please someone fluent in french explain

pegger: IM FUCKGIIN WHEEXING OHFMYM GO D

LafaYETI: 2 3xpl1c1t 4 m3

Yrstruly: explicit my ass

pegger: who the fuckm just jumped the bakery counter in a ninja turtle costume

Lizard: tEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE S

pegger: neetle teetles

Angle: You’re on a diet liz

Yrstruly: JOHN LAURENS YOU GET BACK HERE WITH THAT OPTIMUS PRIME MASK

[SlayQueen has changed their name to OptimistPrime.]

[Yrstruly has changed their name to Negatron]

pegger: transformers was popular in like,,, the 1600s

LafaYETI: IT WAS STILL POPULAR

Negatron: unlike you

LafaYETI: YOU FUCKING GRENOUILLE

Negatron: says the french one

ClothedAndAfraid: Kids calm down

pegger: gROUP MOM GROUP MOM GROUP MOM

ClothedAndAfraid: SHuT UR MOUtH

pegger: shut your fuck clothedandnaked

LafaYETI: the only ones whos naked is herc;)

pegger: lafAYETTE WE ARE AT A WALMART WHRERE ARE YIUY AND HER CD DOING THAT OHH MY OGOD 

LafaYETI: how you say,,,,, yikes,,

Lizard: Okay who the fuck had security get sent to the storage room after them

Negatron: FCUK R U N GUYS R NU

Angle: what the fuck did you do alexander

Negatron: you cant just have a wall of caffeine and not expect someone to climb it

Lizard: what in the fuck alexander 

HippitySnips: Wot in termination

OptimistPrime: is tHAT THE NEW MEME I KEEPHEARING 

LafaYETI: how do you say,, wot in tarination,,,

Negatron: wot in lin-manuel miranda shouldve won the oscar but la la land took it-ation

Angle: aLEXANDER WE TALKED ABOUT THE 4TH WALL

Negatron: WHY DO YOU TRY TO PROTECT THE 4TH BUT NOT THE 1ST 2ND OR 3RD WHAT HAPPENED TO EQUALITY

LafaYETI: the only reason they won was because of,,, ‘uniqueness’ and ‘originality’

Negatron: Unique and original my ass

pegger: drop the topic before people get triggered you dERAILED TRAINS

LafaYETI: raindrop drop top who made the balloon arch pop

pegger: next thing u know he’ll be dabbing

LafaYETI: how you say,,, dab on it,,,,,

ClothedAndAfraid: Okay so you guys are talking about memes while Alex is getting kicked out of walmart

LafaYETI: mon poor lion ;(((((((

pegger: guys i made friends with the 10 year old they hired to organize the videogame shelves

Lizard: how did alexander hamilton lose his house? /aaron burrned it down/

LafaYETI: burr didnt burn down his house he,,, how you say,,, shot him,,,

Negatron: why are we pretending im the founding father lin-manuel miranda bc like,,, i only look like him you guys cmon

pegger: true but no

OptimistPrime: Baby you got us banned from fucking walmart

[HercuLEAVES has changed their name to FrenchiesHoe.]

LafaYETI: finally you accept that you’re mon hoe

Negatron: my dear laurens, actually fuck off to south korea.

OptimistPrime: I would actually rather fuck you but okay

pegger: kinky

LafaYETI: ohOHNHhonhonh;)

Negatron: and you were complaining about me being inappropriate

OptimistPrime: listen here u short little shit

Negatron: I'm listening, you douche canoe 

OptimistPrime: ALEXANDER RAN BACK INTO THE STORE AND IS HEADING TOWARDS THE TOY SECTION HERC STOP HI M

Lizard: on my way

Lizard: John,,, you might want to,, come to the $4 ball bin

OptimistPrime: he didn't

Negatron: Oh I did

OptimistPrime: Alex get out

Negatron: You'll have to catch me first 

pegger: Oh Im COminG Over

OptimistPrime: also angelica can you grab those nurtle pagamas for me

HippitySnips: im at the macdonaldos

Angle: what the FUCK are nurtle pagamas

OptimistPrime: *ninja turtle pajamas sorry autocorrect whoops

pegger: at what point did you say nurtle pagamas so much it became something from your autocorrect

OptimistPrime: b y e

HippitySnips: clacks RRRREEEEEEbox

Lizard: what the heck

Lizard: k but i havent changed my user in 10000 years

OptimistPrime: * h**k

Negatron; youre so pure john i love you

OptimistPrime: no im not go away

OptimistPrime: fight me 

HippitySnips: LET S GET FOEWN TO BUSINES S

HippitySnips: TO DEFEQAT 

HippitySnips: TH E HUNS 

Negatron: shut it hipptittysnicks

HippitySnips: eXCUS EOYU 

Negatron: thanks for excusing me ill be going now bye felicia 

OptimistPrime: no dont leave without me 

OptimistPrime: dONT LEAVE ME

OptimistPrime: ALL ALONE

OptimistPrime: JUST DRIOP ME

OptimistPrime: OFF AT HOME AND ILL BE FINE 

Negatron: did you just 

Negatron: did you just use blink 182 song lyrics

pegger: JOHN I DIDNT KNOW U KNEW BLINK 182

OptimistPrime: i literally only know those lyrics because when i used to say bye to herc he’d shout them really loud

pegger: oh 

HippitySnips: frish are friends not froode 

HippitySnips: k bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guYS OH MY GOODNESS IM SO SORRY THERE WAS SUCH A SPACE BETWEEN THE UPDATES BUT WE ALL GOT REALLY BUSY. SAVANNAH AND I WENT TO A PANIC CONCERT AND MY BIRTHDAY WAS LIKE YESTERDAY ISH AND ITS JUST BEEN SUPER BUSY. WE LOVE YOU ALL, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR ALMOST 2000 READS! I HOPE THIS CHAPTER MADE YOU SMILE :D ~Autumn


	10. aka the one where we switch it up to apologize for not updating

Negatron: yknow whos hot

HippitySnips: not you

Negatron: listen here u douchecanoe

HippitySnips: im sorry dick stick

OptimistPrime: Calm down ladies

HippitySnips: LISTEN HERE HOE

Negatron: LISTEN HERE UNFORTRUNATLY HOT MAN

pegger: unfortrunatly

Negatron: Shut uop

pegger: never

OptimistPrime: uop

Negatron: Is it too early to file a divorce

HippitySnips: Yaint married yet

OptimistPrime: yet

pegger: The fuck jefferson… Yaint

HippitySnips: says the kid who said y’all’d’ve

pegger: you know what Jefferson fuck you

HippitySnips: would rather fuck madison

pegger: he’s cheating on you with a steaming container of macaroni as we speak

HippitySnips: LIES

HippitySnips: if anyone im the one cheating with macaroni

DaddiSIN: ARE YOU

Negatron: Welcome to the Maurey show, now we have a special guest here, his name is jAMES MASIDON

Negatron: now, james madison, what did you see

DaddiSIN: i came home, and, like, my husband.. Was kissin’ mACARONI

DaddiSIN: in fact, he was ENGULFED in the macaroni

Negatron: so he was engulfed by the macaroni

DaddiSIN: YEha SuRERer

Negatron: now lets,, ask him myself

Negatron: thomas jefferson did,, did yoiu cheat, on your husband james madison with a bowl of macaroni 

[HippitySnips has left the chat.]

pegger: OH SHiT

[Negatron has added HippitySnips to the chat.]

pegger: thomas jefferson wears neon leg warmers pass tit on

EastSideMaria’s: tit

LafaYETI: tit noir

OptimistPrime: The fuck laf

Negatron: IM DEaD

EastSideMaria’s: I’d gladly pass my tit on

pegger: MARIA NO

EastSideMaria’s: Maria yes

Lizard: [sent a photo.]

Lizard: i am the pope of hotdogus christ

Negatron: The fuck liza

OptimistPrime: You good Eliza

Lizard: Never

Negatron; same

pegger: same

HippitySnips: smae

HippitySnips: FUCK

DaddiSIN: What time and where

HippitySnips: MADDISN

pegger: shield my virgin eyes

EastSideMaria’s: virgin my ass

EastSideMaria’s: literally

Negatron: It was 2am in a bar and a hot woman strutted her way to me,,, She threw her leg over my shoulder

Negatron: I gassed hetr etye rrdf 

pegger: are you okay

OptimistPrime: he’s fine alex continue

Negatron: I gazed into her eyes,, that’s when I knew,, her eyes,, she was craving my…

Negatron: zesty breakfast burrito

Lizard: sure was

HippitySnips: well that escalated quikly

pegger: that did escalate nesquikly

OptimistPrime: you really milked that pun

Lizard: im having a cow

Negatron: SToP

LafaYETI: Geez I wonder why we haven’t talked this much in so long

pegger: SHHHHHHHHhh

pegger: W E D O N T T A L K A B O U T T H AT

OptimistPrime: Talk about what?

pegger: Exactly

DaddiSIN: Can we all agree that im the reasonable one?

Negatron: B U LL S H ITE

OptimistPrime: language

pegger: Language my ass 

EastSideMaria’s: My ass to be exact

HippitySnips: Geezums

DaddiSIN: That’s my religion

Lizard: 10/3 Can agree

Negatron: 10/10 would recommend

OptimistPrime: 10/20 Try harder sonny

pegger: sonny

Negatron: DONT QUESTION MY HUSBAND

Angle: GEEZUMS

Lizard: Oh GOd

Angle: Sup Bitches

LafaYETI: The ceiling

Angle: Shut up laf

pegger: he isnt your husband yet alex

Negatron: And Maria isn’t your wife

EastSideMaria’s: Not y e t

FrenchiesHoe: WOOW

pegger: Bitch wht

Negatron: thats gay maria

EastSideMaria’s: Sorry isn’t that what you and john do all day

OptimistPrime: im hetero what r u talkin abt

Negatron: HeterNo you ain’t

pegger: H e t e r N o 

OptimistPrime: s h

pegger: yeah im hetero too lmao

EastSideMaria’s: hon, say that to my tongue

pegger: how about you shut up

EastSideMaria’s: make me

Lizard: im single and not here for this

ClothedAndAfraid: I would say me too but im not single

LafaYETI: Pardon moi

pegger: WHaT

Negatron: Cmon guys and object we all knew this already

pegger: sorru

Lizard: and object,,?

pegger: ow

[pegger has changed their name to peg-THEY]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aH we are so so sorry for not updating!! in the past couple months savannah has been wrapping up high school and ive been working at my art and spent two weeks with my girlfriend and its just been really swamped but !!! i hope this makes up a little for the break <3


	11. aka where I apologize AGAIN for not updating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck shit sorry

So uh, hey guys/girls/whatever you igenderfy as!

Sorry we haven't updated in more than a year now (SHit THAt lOng). Well I have some good news and some bad news, which one you want to hear first you don't get a choice.

GOod NEWs: I will be starting up this fic again because fcuk I need to start writing again, so yay updates!!!!!

bad news (Shit iknow): Whether or not Autumn joins me in co writing is unknown Imean she might?????? Also I don't have a solid post schedule so there might be a wait (It won't be a year iSweaR) BUUUT I haven't forgotten you guys I will be posting chapters..

So YEah That's all I gOt TuNe IN NExt TImE FoR MOrE SHIT On ALExAnDer IS SO GAy BuT WoNT FUllY AdMiT It!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> TRANSLATIONS:
> 
> morceau de merde -- piece of shit  
> mon trésor -- my treasure  
> le trou -- the hole
> 
> please excuse any translation errors and let us know if you know what it actually translates to !!


End file.
